Ayato Sakamaki is my fictional other! I really really love him, my feelings for him are really deep and he makes me really truly happy!
Sometimes I even get sad and somewhat bothered and feeling weird when other people love him or have him as a fave/fictional other since I love him so much in such a real way it ends up hurting me and making me feel jealous seeing others loving him too.
I love all my favorite characters equally but at different levels and relationship labels? With Ayato I see and love him as my lover and s/o (or f/o)
I met Diabolik Lovers in 2014 but I was just a very casual fan, I knew the characters and the overall plot and that was it. By looks only, Ayato caught my eye right of the bat and I considered him my favorite for that and like that is stayed. The first mention I have of him being a fave is from april 25, 2014 Maybe I should have given the other boys a chance before cementing Ayato as my top favorite not even looking at the others but Ayato caught me with his looks at never let me go.
Fast foward to 2018, around may I began to have a huge interest in Diabolik Lovers and,
consequently, Ayato.
He soon began taking over my entire life. I looked at pictures of him, read piles of headcanons and facts, watched the anime and even downloaded the first game and read the other games's routes. Like I said, since Ayato had caught my eye at first, I focused myself entirely on Ayato. Would my fave now be different if I had looked into the others guys more? Now that Ayato is my cemented favorite and I've read more about the others I don't know if I had picked another one but I may be biased.
Everything from his looks to his way of being attracts me into him more and more.
He was the first character I ever ordered merch online by myself of and I have an itabag dedicated to him which I take everywhere.
Even though merch isn't everything and is no indicative over how much someone loves a character, I love having Ayato merch and every time I can, I get a lil something to add to my shrine. I like to wake up and see my shrine next to me, I like to go out and take him with me, it just makes me very happy.
This may even seem silly but sometimes, when I'm having huge migraines, looking at Ayato pictures eases them and makes me feel a bit better.
Whenever I'm feeling at my lowest he shows up, either as a new art or as a piece of merch that arrives at my house, weeks after I ordered it, arrving just when I need him the most.
When I was at college and my depression was at it's highest, I looked at the rubber strap on my phone or took my ita bag and felt a little better, knowing he was there.
Every piece of merch I own is special, no matter how big or how small, every single piece means the world to me and makes me incredibly happy, I hope my collection continues to grow.
I talk about him so much it's hard not to repeat myself, adding the fact that I can't express my feelings properly so when I manage to do so, I just repeat that over and over. No matter how much I write and make edits, post pictures with just keysmashing in the captions and whatnot I'll never be able to to truly express what I feel towards him.
Diabolik Lovers isn't a typical otome game, it explores dark topics and the main characters are extremely traumatized leading to them being sadists, which gives a different feel to the whole story. The fact we see their trauma and how they became who they are and how they act the way you do makes you feel more connected to them.
Ayato was abused both physically and mentally by his mother, pushed into being “the best” in order to succeed his dad, nothing he ever did was fine or good enough, all he wanted was to be praised by his mother and have her acknowledge he was doing something right. Since his caregiver failed to give him attention and love when that’s all he ever wanted he decided to put up a barrier and never make “anyone special ever again” so he couldn’t get hurt. Because of that, he also abused the heroine, putting her down, degrading her and hurting her physically in order to have control and feel like he is better than her by overpowering and making sure she knew her place. Eventually and slowly he grew up from his mistakes and is healing over time. He takes time realizing and accepting he doesn’t see her only as his prey but as someone he wants to love and cherish since she gave him the love he never had. Even after realizing those feelings he doesn’t truly accept them in his heart, still often punishing her, sucking her blood harshly to “stay on top”.
He's cruel, cold and sadistic. He built that barrier so no one else could hurt him like his mother did.
He can be silly and a prankster and he shows love in his own way, after breaking down all those strong walls around his heart that just needs attention but still never fully letting himself discard the angry sadistic side that allows him to stay in control.
He acts like he's the best because deep down he maybe feels like the worst.
Ayato Sakamaki is a deep complex character and I love him ♡